The Latest From MCP World

Oktoberfest 2010

Fri, 1 Oct 2010 19:01:14 +0100

Those Germans might not be able to win a war but they certainly know how to party. Where I come from a big festival will last two-three days tops... Octoberfest last three weeks!! But I’m getting ahead of my self (and possibly offending many Germans in the process). My Oktoberfest mission started with Mo and myself embarking on a two day drive from the west coast of Norway to southern Germany and to keep things interesting Mo decided to remove all the treed from his front tyres. With the speed limit in Norway at 80km/h this didn’t present such a problem but on the German autobahn with their ‘speed limit not so much’ policy, bald tyres made us a little nervous. Luckily we are fearless kayakers lacking in common sense or we may not have attempted to drive a car that vibrates when traveling over 110km/h down nearly 1000km of wet autobahn at unrestricted speed.

As with any good road trip you need a theme song, something bouncy and upbeat with classic lyrics to get you singing along. We chose Folding Chair by Regina Spektor...
Come and open up your folding chair next to me My feet are buried in the sand and there’s a breeze There’s a shadow, you can’t see my eyes And the sea is just a wetter version of the skies
See you are singing along already and with these lyrics ring in our head we arrived at our warmup stop for Oktoberfest. Time for some full immersion therapy. Mo’s friend Dorothy (who we stayed with in Munich) took us directly to a party with her dancing group. Dirndl’s and lederhosen (traditional German dress) were warn by all (not us) and Mo and I couldn’t have looked more out of place if we tried. Of course the beer was flowing freely so no one cared that we couldn’t speak German. Drinking is the same no matter where in the world you are and smiles and laughter are understood by all.

From one form of immersion therapy to the next. The morning saw us... surprise surprise... drinking at Dorothy’s friends birthday party (this time wearing lederhosen), storming the local castle (I lie, we paid to get in) and beer and sex in the car on the drive to Dorothy’s place in Munich. Ok well the sex part was actually sec, a champagne like drink but the initial misunderstanding made for many laughs. We refrained from a late night so our livers could be in tip top shape come morning.

Wearing traditional lederhosen we made our way to Oktoberfest feeling very German and certainly in contention for the ‘Best dressed Kiwi’ award. One could mistake the place for a carnival at first glance. There are amusement rides all over including roller coasters, free-fall town, and a ferris wheel. There are places to shoot targets and balls to throw at stacks of blocks all in the name of winning prizes. However enter the beer tents and there is no mistaking that the main event of this festival is drinking beer... and lots of it in very large glasses. Getting a table is necessary to partake in the merriment and much merriment did we wish to partake. With only three people we were able to find places to squeeze in relatively ease. Once at a table the real fun begins... songs are sung, beer is drunk, temporary friends are made and the tables are danced on. That’s right, behaviour that would normally get you kicked out of a place is widely encouraged here.

We spent the rest of the week in this intoxicated wonderland. After several days I could not help but be impressed that the immense scale of the party which was repeated every night for nearly a month!! How they do it, I’m not sure but I sure am glad they do. It is a party not to be missed should be happen to be passing by. Right onto less hazy adventures...

Pretend Pretend Pretend

Thu, 23 Sep 2010 19:48:15 +0100

I’m not sure how it happened, perhaps it is inevitable that if one spends time on the couch at a guide house they themselves get used as a guide. In Switzerland Fraenzi put my to work safety boating, taking photos or doing what ever else needs to be done. In Norway it’s now glacial lake kayaking. Safety boating and taking photos is one thing... dumb tourists are dealt with by other ‘actual’ guides. I only have to engage people when I choose. Kayak guiding is a little different. Rather a lot of interaction is required with said ‘dumb’ tourists most of which takes the form of questions.
“How old is the glacier?”
“Millions of years” (it’s not)
“How deep is the lake?”
“Right where you are now it’s 61m... 62m... 63m... 62.5m” (it’s not)
“Does anything live in the lake?”
“Yes Ice Dolphins... sometimes they jump alongside the kayak” (there’s no such thing)
“Can I drink the water?”
“No all glacial ice is toxic!” (it’s not)
“How far is it?”
“Just up there” (technically this is true depending on your definition of just)
“How long will it take?”
“Yes” (this always gets a confused look and deflects the questions brilliantly)
“How long have you been guiding for”
“Not so long” (this is my first day and I’m not a guide)

It can be hard to keep up the illusion that you know what you are doing when clearly you don’t. I arrived back to the van with my group and needed to start shuttling them back to the lodges they were staying in. This is when I realise that I had no idea how to get there... I didn’t even know the name of where ‘there’ was. Lucky for me it is hard to get lost in Norway because the narrow valleys make travel in only two directions possible - up the valley and down it. Phew saved by the geology... until two valleys came together and I find myself at an intersection guessing the direction all the while trying to look like I am only checking extra hard for traffic. The question of “how far do I drive before I turn around” is ringing in my head followed by wondering what bullshit I can tell everybody to make them believe this was part of the grand plan. Luckily Murphy wasn’t against me and we had taken the correct road. The happy tourist are reunited with modern comforts and are none the wiser. Jolly good

In fairness the groups that were on the trip were international uni students doing an exchange in Sweden so were pretty cool to hangout with all in all. And as you would expect we partied away the night in style. There is nothing quite like drinking 10 year old Laphroaig and glacial ice. It is like having little diamonds in your glass... I wonder when next I will be conscripted to the ranks of tour guide!!

Sun is in the sky oh why oh why would I wanna be anywhere else...

Sun, 17 Jan 2010 03:40:22 +0100

Apparently I just can’t get enough of Africa. A month working in Nigeria was insufficient time to taint my youthful optimism that one could have a good time in this place. Work and play are completely separate right... right! So one should not be disparaged by corrupt bureaucracy at it’s finest. Or that it seems the only efficiency to be found in Nigeria is in how fast the place removes your money from your wallet. No, one should not be put off by such things... should one... of course not. Christmas on the Nile it is.

A normal way to travel from Nigeria to Uganda would be by direct flight from Lagos - Entebbe. But this is africa... nobody does things the normal way in africa!! My route would be - Calabar - Paris - Dubai - Entebbe. Nothing like popping across Africa via Europe and the Middle East to create an authentic sense of jet lag. Three days later, a drunken day bender in Paris (nearly missed my plane), delayed flights - missed flights - rebooked flights, recovery in Dubai, and a short stopover in Ethiopia I touched down in Uganda... FINALLY.

Eden... legend... sorted me out a sweet as ride which turned up a day late just like me and delivered my smiling ass to the bar at NRE post hast. In some circles the place is called nile liver destroyer’s and I saw truth in these words when a funnel was thrust at me before I was out of the car... brilliant. The night continued in similar fashion - drinking, town, casino, winning, local bars, more drinking, dancing, boda boda’s, coma... love it.

I woke to that wonderful place between tipsy and sober, before the sins of the night before must be repaid, except I had that annoying Lily Allan song stuck in my head. It occurred to me that maybe this was part of the repayment. Things were looking up when Eden... legend... introduced me to one of Uganda’s delights, chapati. Flat bread wrapped around a delicious filling - on this occasion banana and nutella. Eating kick-started our day. I found myself a kayak and paddle and together we found the motivation to paddle the day two section finishing at the infamous Nile Special wave. The wave is fast green and retentive enough to through the big moves... or watch other throw them while you work out how to get across the surging eddy line of death whiling holding onto a tow rope necessary to get on the wave.

After a few days at the Hairy Lemon, playing on Nile Special, it was time for the group to grow with Isobel turning up for break from playing with monkeys in Mgahinga. We headed back to NRE to meet her but didn’t get so far. It was easy to know the car was on fire because it was filling with smoke! An electrical fire had started behind the dash, a result of some suspect re-wiring. Eden... legend... and I were cleaver enough to disconnect the battery before helping Amos (our driver) spray water into the back of the dash and the crisis was averted. We spent the next hour feeding the mosquitoes before non-burning car arrived to pick us up... “damn we’ll be late to meet Is” exclaimed Fraenzi. Funnily enough at that same moment, Isobel was being thrown out of a matatu that ‘changed it’s mind’ about the destination after being delayed two hours already. Not everything in Uganda is easy but it sure isn’t boring.

Christmas brought us a present, or presence more like of Rolf who finally made it to NRE at 2am. Or is it still Christmas eve until you go to bed? Who cares... we certainly didn’t by that time. An almost lethal dosing of waragi (local spirit) had seen to that. No kidding people die from the stuff down there... it’s a serious problem... stop laughing. Isobel tagged out about 10pm but was kind enough to wait until she was in her tent until she threw up... nice one Is. Eden... legend... and I battled through but collective memories are not good. Poor Fraenzi was left to pick up the pieces before Rolf arrived. Thanks Possum, we owe you one. Fortunately we were back in the world of the living by then so could give him the traditional funnel and from there... three merry men were indeed very much merry.

We didn’t let the Christmas Day hangovers deter us from giving Rolf his first taste of the Nile with a quick trip down to Silverback where most of the flow of the Nile is squeezed through a narrow channel. The entrance is a big ramp into a V-wave/hole followed by 150m of surging mess with one rule - first time down, you lead! We gave Rolf a vague description of the line and sent him on his merry way. I had some interesting lines down this rapid while in Uganda, ranging from dry hair to doing 360’s on my tail into 360’s on my nose or thinking I was on a good line and then
flying through the air upside down wondering... “why is the world was suddenly looking very different”. By far the most scary part of kayaking the Silverback section is the boda boda ride back to NRE. Imagine riding on the back of a motorbike down narrow slippery mud tracks with a kayak and paddle sitting on your lap... scarier than class 5 that’s for sure.

The following day Rolf and I got our first look... look is the wrong word... feel of Itunda, the best rapid on the White Nile (in my opinion at least). Eden... legend... described the rapid as we tried to make out what he was talking about from our island above the drop... we couldn’t see a thing. “First start left and then center for the ramp, afterwards head right past The Cuban, continue moving right pass the edge of Ash Tray and then come back to the center - don’t go in The Bad Place!”... bad place?!? Seeing the blank looks on our faces, the plan was changed to “just follow me”... OK. The best part of the rapid is that it has a nasty pocket hole ‘The Bad Place’ on the right at the bottom which keep people honest. There is no option to paddle the lead in and then heading all the way right to sneak the rest. On another run down Rolf figured that it was too easy and when for the ‘left’ line. Not so much a line, more a series of holes to plug until one decides that you should stay. Rolf got lucky and didn’t have to ‘stay’ in any of the holes but swam on the flat water after the rapid anyway?!? What was that all about aye Rolfy Bear.

Right... that’s all the boring kayaking nonsense is out of the way I can move on... hmmm but where to... ah yes New Years in Murchison Falls National Park. The five of us sorted a van and driver and off we went to explore ‘nature’. Traveling through the night to save time and camping at the edge of the park so we could enter at first light seemed like a good idea except our driver was not so familiar with the area and the sign posting is lacking. Eventually we found our home for the night, complete with authentic Ugandan dirt floors and thatch roof... more than good enough for a bunch of scumbag kayakers (and those who would associate with said kayakers).

Murchison Falls National Park is the largest in Uganda and split in two by the Nile with... oddly enough... Murchison Falls in the middle of it all. To date I think this is the best waterfall that I have stood beside. The entire Nile thunders through this 7m gap falling around 20m before surging back up almost the same... TWICE. The total drop of the falls is only 43m but it is the volume of water that really leaves and impression. The next thing to leave almost as big of an impression was only 20min drive and a ferry away on the western shore of the Nile, where a heard of elephants were feeding. I was slowly sneaking up behind some bushes to get a better photo of one by itself when Rolf though that was far to cautious and just bowled on up, moving in somewhat of a pincer movement relative to me... strangely enough the elephant felt threatened by this. Threatened big animal => angry big animal => charging big animal => running like hell!! Lucky for us it was only a feint and he stopped after a few meters.

The rest of the park is good fun to see with plenty of big game animals. We camped at the Delta beside the Nile and listened to the sounds of hippopotamus feeding near our tents. The burning fire kept them at a safe distance with our vigilant guide keeping the night watch... well at least until we fell asleep. Bad stuff happens to other people right... right! New Years was on the quite side but we did our best to fix that. A bottle of whiskey later and I think we can call it a partial success. Arriving back in the big smoke of Kampala we said our goodbyes to Isobel who was off to play with monkeys again. Oh quick side story... do you know that you have to ‘pay’ to volunteer in Africa... this has to be the biggest scam every. Apparently giving ‘your time’ is not enough anymore, they also want your first born. Anyhow a few days later we said goodbye to Rolf and then there were three.

The trip was rounded out with a quick trip north to Sipi where friends Fraggle and Will run the Sipi River Lodge. The higher elevation provided relief from mosquitos which Fraenzi could do with as she was on the mend from contracting malaria. Something I have to say I’m stoked not to have got... so far... fingers crossed, I am still in Africa though. On a clear day you can see all the way to Kenya, the Congo, and Sudan. I’m sure this place would be great for paragliding to but that will have to wait for another day. The photo’s I snapped of the falls are some of the best I have taken. The lighting was my friend that day.

Returning to NRE it seemed that all there was left to do was take Fraenzi down to Silverback in the Topoduo and have a massive “daaaaaay bender”. Fraggle led the charge and the masses didn’t even try to resist... the rest is a blur!!!

Ka kite ano
Jono

Paragliding In Bulgaria

Wed, 4 Nov 2009 17:00:52 +0100

Plans of joining the Ausie boys (Leon and Thorpe) in India/Nepal were dashed by work and instead I headed to a different part of the world and gave something totally new a go - paragliding. My friends Glen and Hamish have been soaring the sky ever since we left uni and after taking up the sport they haven’t done anything different.. This gave me an inkling that it might be a whole lota fun and I was not disappointed.

Having spent a little time in Eastern Europe, Bulgaria seemed like the perfect place to learn. The beer is cheap, food cheaper and rakia flows like water. Rakia for those not in the know is the local sprit fermented from grape skins, stilled and always drunk neat. It is easy to make and every local community has their ‘local’ version they swear is the best. Rakia is not the only reason the paraglide in Bulgaria, they have another big positive - a sunny continental climate and lots of brown fields to produce thermals. It is hard to fault the place.

Things are not so regulated in Bulgaria and the instructor Nikolay took the same just-do-it attitude towards the course that we at MCP apply to everyday life. One short lesson... “that’s the theory done, let’s go to the training hill”. A few flights from the training hill later... “you seem to be doing fine, lets go to the mountain”. And from then on I was hooked. Apparently I’m somewhat of an ‘aggressive’ pilot but that title is fine by me. I love the way you can throw the wing (and yourself) around one minute and the next sit back, relax and enjoy the serenity... ah the serenity.

Well they say no trip is without its punches and Bulgaria was no exception. On the second week a couple of guys from Czech Republic turned up and taught me how the Czech’s drink. Now I am sure you all know I like to drink but these guys were on a different level. The first night they were around was a good on the turps however it was the following day the real trouble started. The sunny weather of the first week headed south for the winter and rain is not a paragliders friend. Now this was not a problem because I could not go flying... it was a problem because I could go drinking!! The two Czech’s turned up after breakfast with a new bottle of rakia and proceeded to poor generous portions.... ‘this can’t end well’ was all I could think as we got stuck into the rakia and a bunch of beers.

The camera was out a little bit with some nice shots of Sopot at night to be found in the usual place. Unfortunately using my somewhat bulky camera while flying was not option when learning all that I need to learn but expect to see aerial photography in the near future. Finally a big thanks to the guys at SkyNomad who took such good care of me during my stay. Ka kite ano

Norway Roundup

Sun, 5 Jul 2009 00:18:54 +0100

So I'm soon back to work for another month... sigh. But here is a quick roundup of how my two weeks in Norway panned out.

ESKTREMSPORT VEKO: Classic times as expected. On my first morning in Voss I teemed up with a British crew and we had a high water blatt down the Lower Myrdalselvi (click here for some pics) which turned out to be a little more 'full-on' than any of us really signed up for. Top start to the week, right what's next? Ah yes partying... and that pretty much filled the rest of the week.

Norwegians are not quite as boisterous on the dance floor was us kiwis and given there was an over representation of us fellas from the deep south we turned a few heads with our impromptu mosh-pit antics. On the Saturday night I had my own private mosh-pit going but I have a suspicion that not everybody around me was as happy about it as I was.

Voss is a good place to just turn up and meet new people... most of the people I hung out with for the week I had not met before arriving including a group of three rowdy ausies. Somehow we seemed to get along in spite of them referring to me simply as 'kiwi' (it's hard to think of that in negative terms though). After getting loud on Thursday night I joined them on a Upper Brandseth run although I probably shouldn't have been in a boat. I managed to get two good hole thrashings and had to roll probably a half dozen times in all, oh and broke my boat to but that was coming for a while. Not the best trip ever for me but I did get some good photos which is what you're looking at.

After esktremsports veko was done I headed to Sjoa to hangout at the Australian embassy as the aussie boys dubbed there trailer complete with 'pool room'. High water boating on the Åmot and Skjørva kept the days interesting... maybe a little to interesting for Leon. He got a couple of good rodeo rides but on the plus side he showed me where not to go ;-) The nights were filled with home brew, bbq's and parties. The party shenanigans got a little out of hand on my last night when I got blind sided by a Tasmanian Devil... my shirt will never be the same again!!

Good times all round in Norway once again... this really is a great place so if you haven't been then it's time to make the pilgrimage, especially if you are a boater. Well it is back to work for me... not sure yet but the next mission might be a winter one in godzone.